
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1832212.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Dean_Winchester, Castiel_&_Dean_Winchester, Castiel/Crowley
  Character:
      Castiel_(Supernatural), Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester, Gabriel_
      (Supernatural), Crowley_(Supernatural), Meg_Masters, Balthazar_
      (Supernatural), Charlie_Bradbury, Chuck_Shurley, Lisa_Braeden, Bobby
      Singer, John_Winchester, Jo_Harvelle
  Additional Tags:
      Drug_Use, Drug_Addiction, Self-Harm, Eating_Disorders, Alternate_Universe
      -_High_School, Underage_Smoking, Denial_of_Feelings, Forced_Relationship,
      Alcohol_Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Child_Abuse, Drugged_Sex
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-06-23 Updated: 2016-03-20 Chapters: 3/? Words: 2179
****** The Stars and the Ocean ******
by Barmit_Rombama
Summary
     PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE TAGS, THESE ARE WARNINGS AND I DON'T WANT
     ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOU GUYS SO PLEASE PLEASE DON'T READ IF THOSE
     THINGS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU!!!!!
     Even at the early age of four, Castiel was different. He preferred
     coloring quietly in the corner while everyone else was playing tag.
     He likes that you could take crayons and make a rainbow even if the
     sky is clear. He liked that he could draw a family with a beautiful
     house in the background and pretend that it was his. He liked that he
     could draw himself with wings and pretend to fly off away from his
     family, because even at the early age of four he knew he hated his
     current one.
     Cas's life has been tough since day one but he had had Dean by his
     side to help him through it all, until Dean lets the way people see
     him come before Cas and their friendship dissipates. Castiel starts
     doing unhealthy things to help him forget and cope.
     This story is mainly Castiels life but does lightly dabble into Deans
     as well. Eventual Destiel.
Notes
     Its going to be slow slow updates unfortunately. I have a lot of it
     mapped out, but i'm attending drivers ed right now so i need to focus
     on that but in July it should pick up i'm not sure how long this is
     going to be. In the beginning, it's going to go really quick, but
     that was my intention, i wanted just a brief background history, the
     story actually start starts in his sophomore year. that's all happy
     reading. This is has not been overlooked for corrections by any
     outside parties so if there are any mistakes feel free to leave a
     comment about it and i'll try to fix it ASAP.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Childhood can be a Challenge *****
Even at the early age of four, Castiel was different. He preferred coloring
quietly in the corner while everyone else was playing tag. He likes that you
could take crayons and make a rainbow even if the sky is clear. He liked that
he could draw a family with a beautiful house in the background and pretend
that it was his. He liked that he could draw himself with wings and pretend to
fly off away from his family, because even at the early age of four he knew he
hated his current one.
Castiel sat in his usual corner with his usual crayons. But after last night in
his house with his family, nothing felt usual. He looked down at his paper
contemplating what to draw today. He finally decides he wants a new family so
he's going to draw a new family. He draws a boy that could be his age and
another the same age. One has dark brown hair that’s short and the other with
slightly shaggy hair that’s a lighter brown and decides on the names Dean and
Sam. He looks down at the paper and sighs wishing that they could be real. He
could finally have a friend or at least he could have a family. Cause heck even
that would be better than what he's got now.
At the end of the day Castiel walked the three blocks to his house. Before he
even walked up to the house he could hear his parents yelling. He already knew
he was going to get no sleep.
"God dammit Claire! I’m so sick of you always doing this!" Castiel’s father
yells throwing his empty beer bottle way to close to Castiel who just walked in
the door.
"Watch the fuck out Jim you hit him the school will get nosy!"
“oh go to hell!"
"Living with you makes me think I’m already there!"
Castiel ran up the stairs, into his room and onto his bed. He put a pillow over
his head trying to drown out the yelling and crashing and the inevitable crying
that was soon to come. he knew his efforts were all in vain. Every night he
tries the same old trick knowing it wouldn't work but he's only four and he's
doing a really good job of not crying.
 
 
 Castiel was once again in his corner, drawing his family this time with a car
behind them. The idea of being able to leave, drive away at anytime. being able
to go anywhere, it excited him to say the least.
"Alright class we have two knew kids joining our group!" Their group leader
Ellen says. Castiel’s ears perked up.
“Say hello to Dean and Sam. Now give them a warm welcome!"
Castiel’s head shot up and he couldn't believe his eyes. He looked back down at
his paper realizing that even if they were real why would they take an interest
in him? He’s just the school loser.
"Hi, I'm Dean Winchester this is my brother Sammy!" Dean says walking close to
Castiel, "why are you all by yourself?" he asks, head tilting to the side.
"I'm going to go play tag with Ben." Sam says running off to play with the
other kids.
"The o-other kids don’t l-like me much." Castiel says barely above a whisper.
"Why not?" says dean kneeling down right next to Castiel.
"Why are you talking to him?" Ben sneers as if Dean was committing the biggest
crime of the century.
"Because he's all alone and he looks sad." Dean says like it's the simplest
question he's ever been asked.
"That's because we leave him alone, he doesn't like tag, he's a wimp." Ben says
dragging Sam back outside, Sam not putting up much of a fight.
"It’s ok if you don't like me Dean, no one really does." Castiel says going
back to slowly drawing.
“I do like you, I wanna be friends with you," Dean says with a beaming smile,"
what’s your name?"
"Castiel."
"Can I call you Cas?" Dean asks quietly
"Like a n-nickname?" Castiel manages to say, " I've never had a nickname
before, well not a good one anyway."
"Can I watch you color?" Dean asks
Cas hands him a piece of paper and sprawls his crayons out on the ground in
front of them.
"You can color too." Cas says an audible gasp coming from Ellen who stands not
too far behind him.
"What?" Castiel asks her afraid a bruise is showing or something.
"I don't think you have ever talked to another kid let alone let them color
with you!" Ellen says in a breathy tone. Cas lets out a quick sigh, the secret
still safe.
"Me and Cas here are gonna be the best-est of friends, I just know it!" Dean
says smiling stupidly toward Ellen
"We are? I've never had a friend..." Cas whisper's sadly
"Well now you have a BEST-EST friend!" Dean shouts excitedly
Cas doesn't know what to say, so he just looks down at his paper a blush
creeping on to his cheeks.
 
~ 8 years later~
Cas was still sat in a corner, school has been hell and add that to his at home
problems how could you blame the kid. Six years of Hell and it's been tough but
Dean stayed true to his word about being best friends, but Cas didn't want to
burden Dean with his home life, so he kept quiet. They only went to Dean’s
house to hang out. Dean’s house was nice no one yelled or threw glass bottles
at you. Dean’s guardian Bobby was cool, teaching him and Dean how to fix up
cars and they had pie. All in all you would think Dean and Cas were joined at
the hip
"Hey Cas!" Dean yells as he enters the room smiling fondly at the boy. But then
it happens. The room fell dead silent.
"Oh my god, I can't believe he's still talking to Gay-lord."Ben whispers a wave
of chuckles ripping through the room.
Dean slows to a stop his smile fading to nothing before taking a seat as far
away from Cas as possible. Cas tries his best to not take it personally he
really does. But he could not muster the strength to keep tears from forming in
his eyes. But he doesn't let them slip out, he simply bites his lip 'till he
tastes blood and blinks them suckers back. He makes the mistake of glancing at
Dean
"I'm so sorry" Dean mouths. But Castiel just nods and looks back down at his
desk. His nails dig into his forearm as he tries not to cry. He tries a little
too hard and his nails are suddenly breaking skin. He simply gasps, who would
have thought that this was only the start to a nasty habit. Dean looks at him
and sees that he's bleeding. "Are you alright?" dean mouths. But Castiel simply
shrugs and looks out the window.
On the way home that day Cas realizes just how dependent he had become. Without
Dean there walking the now five blocks to his turn, cracking jokes about
anything and everything, he started thinking which has proven dangerous in
math’s where he thought too much and now he had a matching set of red crescent
shaped marks on his thighs. He liked the way they burned rubbing against the
denim of his jeans. But he knew he would be in trouble after his mom saw the
ten nail shaped blood stains on his best pair of pants.
Dean trailed about a block behind Cas. He looked so sad it made him want to
vomit. He felt so freaking bad about what he did. But image was everything.
Instead of taking his usual turn he followed Cas home. To be honest it scared
the hell out of Dean when he heard yelling coming from the house Cas had just
entered. But what scared him more was the second Cas closed the door there was
the sound of who he assumed was Cas's mother yelling "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO
YOUR GOOD JEANS!?" , shattering glass and Cas screaming . It scared Dean so
much he ran all the way home and to be honest he didn't think he would ever
look at Cas the same.
Cas was right, his mother had instantly saw the stains, made some more, and
sent him to his room without supper, not that that was rare. Cas sat on his bed
he felt like throwing up and jumping out of a moving car all at the same time.
But he just moved so he could look out the window and prays that mama will pack
a lunch for tomorrow. Today during lunch he had to sit in the bathroom with his
feet off the ground, so people wouldn't "get nosy" as mama always says, god
knows no one cares so he doesn't see the point but whatever he doesn't want mom
and dad getting mad.
The first thing Dean did when he got home was go straight to his room. He felt
sick to his stomach. No one could get him out not even Bobby, that is until, of
course, some one brought up pie. But when he got downstairs everyone started
asking about Cas since he always comes around and just his luck, it was
blueberry pie Cas's favorite and suddenly Dean felt dizzy and he sat on the
couch for a few minutes trying to see straight . When he finally stopped seeing
double, he cried. He cried for hours. No one knowing what to do since this was
the first anyone has seen Dean cry since the time in first grade where he cried
over a dead bird, which he has sworn everyone who knows about it into secrecy.
Middle school went by worse than anything Castiel had ever known same stuff but
no best friend or even friend in general to talk about it.
 
~Freshman year of high school~
Cas was once again sat in the back of the room a ring of empty desks
surrounding him. I mean who dares sit by the Emo druggie. Nobody that’s who.
The itch at Cas's wrist's becoming more of a burn than an itch. Dean walked
into the room.
"Hey Gay-lord how you doing?" dean asks Cas.
Cas knows better than to answer Dean’s rhetorical question.
"What’s the matter freak cat gotchya tongue?"
A large wave of chuckles ripples through the room.
Dean leans on his palm that he has set on Cas's desk.
"Careful Dean don't want to catch his disease!" Jo shouts from the front of the
room earning another laugh after Dean dramatically rips his hands from Cas's
desk wiping his hand on his leather jacket, a disgusted look on his face, the
same look his dad gives him when he even tries to speak up.
The itch at Cas's wrists spreads to his thighs. But thankfully the teacher
walks in and Dean Walks away.
Who would have thought that Cas's only friend would become his biggest bully.
Dean literally had to stop breathing and count down from 20 in order to not
throw up, because god was that awful, he saw the way Castiel started scratching
at his thighs and wrist a dead giveaway if you ask him but to be honest he
wanted throw himself off a building. Cas looks like he hasn't eaten in a month
and he’s trying his hardest to forget about it but his mind is far gone at this
point.
Dean felt bad;yet, freshman year went by just like 8th grade. Dean picks on
Cas, Cas falls too fast for anyone to catch.
***** THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE IM SOOOOO SORRY *****
alright so its been soooo long since I've updated and i don't know when the
next time i update will be but a lot has happened and im going through a lot
right now i was going to begin writing again at the beginning of November but
this last week my cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer and i need to be here
for her right now also i have received some messages and no i do not have any
affiliation with tumblr user BarmitRombama my name is Kylee and i saw that user
name and i thought it was cool i have messaged her about it and she said it was
fine
***** This is once again not an update *****
Chapter Summary
     sorry guys
alright so its been over 500 days since i updated and to say im sorry wont cut
it. um basically my cousin passed away after an extremly rough battle with
breast cancer and i was diagnosed at the begining of last winter. ive been in
and out of the hospital ever since and stuff isnt looking too good for me right
now, if anyone wants to taje what ive written and continue it just leave a
comment or something. sorry for the mistakes im really sick right now. i
luckily have an extremly supportive family and friend group so hopefully this
site will see more of me. sorry again. i hope you guys understand.
End Notes
     Its going to be slow slow updates unfortunately. I have a lot of it
     mapped out, but i'm attending drivers ed right now so i need to focus
     on that but in July it should pick up i'm not sure how long this is
     going to be. In the beginning, it's going to go really quick, but
     that was my intention, i wanted just a brief background history, the
     story actually start starts in his sophomore year. that's all happy
     reading.
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